Ep3: 80 Years Young

[00:00:00] Here we are, Episode 3, can you believe it?

[00:00:10] I can't believe anything these days.

[00:00:14] I can't believe it.

[00:00:15] I can't believe that you actually remember to turn up to this one.

[00:00:17] You like you bumped me off a couple of times.

[00:00:20] You lie exquisitely.

[00:00:24] Well at least we made it today.

[00:00:26] It's me and him, Jason and Matt.

[00:00:28] Just doing our thing, Episode 3 of our podcast.

[00:00:32] We've done a little bit of background on our lives and our situation

[00:00:37] and today we are going to explore that a little bit further

[00:00:41] and I guess one should mention that you know you've just celebrated a very important milestone, your 80th birthday.

[00:00:49] So congratulations.

[00:00:51] What about a millstone too son?

[00:00:53] A millstone? Is that like something that's hard to do?

[00:00:56] No it's hanging around my neck.

[00:00:58] Revivial alpatross.

[00:01:00] That explains the posture.

[00:01:02] Exactly, hunched over.

[00:01:04] Oh my God.

[00:01:06] So I was in Melbourne along with family and friends and loved ones

[00:01:10] and all sorts of audio people I guess at Dad's 80th birthday.

[00:01:15] And other friends?

[00:01:17] Yes and cousins and nephews and nieces and all that.

[00:01:20] But you know I must say it was a big occasion

[00:01:24] and congratulations for being in the top 3% of the world's population.

[00:01:28] Well I've always held an exalted place in the world one way or another.

[00:01:32] I'm a little bit disappointed you're not 1%.

[00:01:34] Come on, are you really trying?

[00:01:37] Well you mean only 1% crazy?

[00:01:40] Well I don't know.

[00:01:42] That would ruin my image.

[00:01:43] No no no 1%.

[00:01:45] Look I guess I'll bring that up because I wanted to say happy birthday

[00:01:50] and also it's done now.

[00:01:52] You've had your big party now, it's time to get real.

[00:01:54] You're 80 years old, time to get serious.

[00:01:56] I mean I have to grow up now.

[00:01:58] I have to behave.

[00:02:00] Oh my God nobody told me that when I signed up for it.

[00:02:04] None of that silly business.

[00:02:06] We gotta get serious now alright.

[00:02:08] So you might have to settle down and have a relationship or something as well.

[00:02:11] I'm going to get very serious.

[00:02:14] I'm going to join the movies.

[00:02:17] I'm going to be the next James Bond.

[00:02:22] Alright, okay well you never know right?

[00:02:27] So I bring up your 80's because my lovely sister in the Ska Fluentetown with her family

[00:02:34] my bros down in Melbourne with you and his beautiful wife Rana

[00:02:38] you know I had my family, my kids, me and my ex come down

[00:02:43] everyone hung out and we had a good time and celebrated it for you.

[00:02:48] How was that for you just having everyone together like that including all your friends

[00:02:52] and extended audio files and all the rest?

[00:02:55] Well I've had a lot of parties in my time son

[00:02:58] and this was the best one ever.

[00:03:01] Wow, that's a big call.

[00:03:04] Cause I remember some of your parties when I was like 13 years old

[00:03:07] I was like oh my god, my dad can throw a party.

[00:03:11] Is that my dad? I'm embarrassed.

[00:03:14] No, I was like and my friends were like what's he doing on the floor now?

[00:03:17] My friends were like is that your dad?

[00:03:20] Man, you're fucking so lucky.

[00:03:23] I didn't know then it would be my downfall but you know at the time I was like yeah I think I am.

[00:03:28] I was very good at sitting in my bad ex-husband.

[00:03:31] That's so true.

[00:03:33] Anyway, so it was your best party.

[00:03:36] What made it so great for you?

[00:03:38] Like what was it about making that occasion happen?

[00:03:43] Having everyone together and they came from all walks of life

[00:03:48] in a setting that I'm very very proud of

[00:03:51] I absolutely adore that restaurant

[00:03:54] and the people who run it

[00:03:57] and being able to misbehave in front of not only my children or friends

[00:04:02] but their children, my grandchildren, it was fun.

[00:04:05] Oh my god.

[00:04:07] Okay, so I have to share something right now

[00:04:09] because we had a little secret going

[00:04:11] we had actually a WhatsApp group, me and Anishka and Damien

[00:04:15] where I was just the three troubled kids

[00:04:17] and we had this and we did like we got to do something

[00:04:20] Troublemakers.

[00:04:22] Troublemakers, we got to do something for Dad's 80th

[00:04:23] you know what we're gonna do through a few ideas around channel

[00:04:25] because Drag Queens came up and I'm like isn't that too lowbrow

[00:04:28] and everyone's like no he loves lowbrow

[00:04:30] I'm like okay maybe yeah

[00:04:33] and then of course I got contacted by Amanda Blow

[00:04:36] you know like the famous Drag Queen, Amanda Blow

[00:04:39] no anyway it doesn't matter

[00:04:42] and a bunch of...

[00:04:44] I didn't miss that one so it was a strategic pause

[00:04:48] a bunch of me's those and ended up getting hooked up

[00:04:51] with a guy who was who works with the Victorian opera

[00:04:56] and he did a Pavarotti routine right

[00:04:59] and I'm like oh that sounds awesome

[00:05:00] and then he's like I got a female

[00:05:02] a part of the act who can pretend that she's just a long lost love

[00:05:06] and she comes in and you know has a ball going on

[00:05:08] and so says where have you been in my life

[00:05:10] and I'm like that sounds amazing let's do that

[00:05:13] so I didn't know how it was gonna go down

[00:05:16] but you were going around you know

[00:05:18] just like saying hello to everyone and everything

[00:05:21] and then I'm getting a signal from outside

[00:05:22] I'm like I gotta grab the mic and just get started

[00:05:24] and then this whole thing started

[00:05:26] it ended with you licking her arm

[00:05:29] and me worried if we're gonna get arrested

[00:05:32] or the police coming down for some sort of assault

[00:05:35] because you got into it just a little bit too much

[00:05:38] well she did say to me quietly

[00:05:41] you're a lot of fun

[00:05:42] yes

[00:05:44] well she sung her heart out

[00:05:46] she cuddled you

[00:05:48] and I look the show was fantastic

[00:05:50] and everyone had smiles on their faces

[00:05:52] so I'm sorry to put you on the spot like that

[00:05:55] but it seemed like it was a good time had by all

[00:05:59] and I think the fact that we could all come together

[00:06:02] and celebrate as a family

[00:06:03] I think that's something to be said for that right

[00:06:05] it's not easy to do

[00:06:06] well after that surprise act

[00:06:08] which I had no forewarning about at all

[00:06:11] I picked up the microphone

[00:06:13] and I said to all my guests

[00:06:15] when I find out which one of my kids

[00:06:18] organized this I'll kill him

[00:06:20] ah yes I know I saw the gliss

[00:06:23] alright let's get into a story shall we

[00:06:31] so I've enjoyed the last couple of episodes

[00:06:33] just kind of taking a trip down memory lane

[00:06:36] and hearing not only

[00:06:38] some stories I've heard before

[00:06:40] about my granddad

[00:06:42] and also my great granddad

[00:06:44] and you know sometimes it's good to be able to say

[00:06:47] I knew my great granddad and I did vaguely

[00:06:49] and the Dalmatian heritage etc

[00:06:52] but there was something that we talked about last episode

[00:06:55] which I think we both sort of had a moment

[00:06:58] and it was around going to Napier Street primary school

[00:07:01] or what used to be called my Napier Street primary school

[00:07:04] when I was when you were there I think

[00:07:06] and when I was there it was Frim and Zbate

[00:07:08] and I had this experience I was sharing with you

[00:07:11] about just the bodyguards

[00:07:13] and the bullying and the whole thing right

[00:07:16] which again is what it is right

[00:07:18] and you said you actually could relate

[00:07:20] so I thought what a great place to start

[00:07:23] let's hear about how that went for you

[00:07:25] and I can learn something

[00:07:27] and yeah we'll go from there

[00:07:29] alright well to give you the context

[00:07:31] I was born in the inner city

[00:07:33] I spent most of my early life in the inner city

[00:07:36] and those days I was born in the city

[00:07:40] I thought that was one of these stories

[00:07:44] sorry

[00:07:47] if I need a singer or a higher one

[00:07:50] yeah fair enough

[00:07:52] and the city was a very austere place

[00:07:55] those days it wasn't the vibrant place

[00:07:59] with neon lights and music and so forth

[00:08:02] it was very depressed

[00:08:04] and Napestry Primary School was the only school in the area

[00:08:09] and it was a slum school

[00:08:11] there were no two ways about it

[00:08:13] there were slums everywhere

[00:08:15] just a fringe of the inner city are you like it's

[00:08:18] yeah and highways

[00:08:20] no highways tram tracks

[00:08:22] alright and my days it was highways

[00:08:24] there weren't even buses those days

[00:08:26] just trams or you walked

[00:08:29] and by tram it was a fairly long distance

[00:08:32] and my mother took me before she went to work

[00:08:35] I would say Caucasians numbered

[00:08:38] well percentage wise

[00:08:40] you'd be lucky to have 10% Caucasians

[00:08:42] and they came from pretty impoverished backgrounds too

[00:08:45] there was a girl in my class

[00:08:47] I won't name her of course

[00:08:49] she was about 10 or 11 years old

[00:08:51] and her sisters were hooking down on the wolves

[00:08:54] and she joined her sisters that's how bad it was

[00:08:57] sorry 10 or 11 years old and hooking down the wolf

[00:09:01] wow

[00:09:04] here's me thinking that I was like some renegade

[00:09:07] smoking my first cigarette at 12 years old

[00:09:10] oh my god I knew nothing right

[00:09:12] oh it's some privileged little life

[00:09:14] there was probably 30% white kids when I went to school

[00:09:17] yeah well I mean there were probably

[00:09:20] 80% Maori's and Polynesians

[00:09:23] and they came from

[00:09:26] all parts of Polynesia

[00:09:28] and you mentioned bullying

[00:09:31] now I was a little white kid

[00:09:34] they used to call me the professor

[00:09:37] that doesn't sound too bad

[00:09:39] I got called Cracko or Milk Bottle or something

[00:09:41] no that wasn't a term of respect

[00:09:44] that was because being an only child

[00:09:47] I read a lot and I was more articulate

[00:09:50] than the rest of them and of course I was looked down on

[00:09:53] so you did their homework? oh shit no

[00:09:56] those were different days

[00:09:59] the bullying in my case was severe

[00:10:02] and it ended up that there was

[00:10:05] and I'll name him because he was my protector

[00:10:08] oh you had a protector too that was like me right

[00:10:11] yeah I'm a Maori guy called Harding Howe

[00:10:14] and he decided that I was his project

[00:10:17] only he could beat me

[00:10:20] if anyone else tried he beat them

[00:10:23] alright so you could beat you up because he wasn't happy with you

[00:10:26] oh he did

[00:10:29] but no one else could because he beat them up

[00:10:32] I was his territory

[00:10:35] yeah I don't mind you beating me dude

[00:10:37] you beat me better

[00:10:41] there was no masochism there

[00:10:44] no I'm just saying

[00:10:46] because you beat me better

[00:10:49] yeah look I get it

[00:10:52] I had a warp sense myself back then

[00:10:55] so what happened? did he just guide you all the way through the school?

[00:10:58] no he didn't guide me all the way through the school

[00:11:01] he just took exception

[00:11:04] to anyone tampering with his property

[00:11:07] sounds like you were a hooker on the wall

[00:11:10] in a manner of speaking

[00:11:13] alright

[00:11:16] alright now look

[00:11:19] let me tell you another story

[00:11:22] can I just say that that is exactly the same situation

[00:11:26] that's happened with me and Lungie right

[00:11:29] so Lungie was my protector at school

[00:11:32] he was my kind of like maybe he beat me

[00:11:35] I can't even remember but the fact that you had that

[00:11:38] that is hilarious

[00:11:41] and it shows you that no matter what they tried back there at Napier Street High School

[00:11:44] as a generation later we're still getting pummeled you know

[00:11:47] there was a guy in our class

[00:11:50] I've forgotten his name now

[00:11:53] he was quite tall but he was obviously retarded

[00:11:56] in some way and he took exception

[00:11:59] to whatever the teacher was doing

[00:12:02] and those were the days where we all had little

[00:12:05] inquels and we worked with

[00:12:07] inquilthals

[00:12:09] I hope you had fairly uh what are the inquilthals

[00:12:12] I can imagine

[00:12:15] I've met you with Lungie like we can everything

[00:12:18] in the feather quill

[00:12:21] that would have been aristocratic

[00:12:24] by comparison

[00:12:27] you were too poor for that week

[00:12:30] I think his first name was Alan

[00:12:33] and for some reason he got enraged

[00:12:36] about what the lady who was our

[00:12:39] teacher had said to him

[00:12:41] so she turned around to write on the chalk blackboard

[00:12:44] and everything was written in chalk on a blackboard

[00:12:47] and he picked up this pen

[00:12:49] and he threw it at her and I'll never forget

[00:12:52] when I asked her to hit him with doing

[00:12:55] into the blackboard

[00:12:58] I mean it actually

[00:13:00] he threw it from the back of the class

[00:13:02] and it stuck in the blackboard

[00:13:04] it actually stuck in it like a knife

[00:13:07] oh my god that's him

[00:13:10] using the force

[00:13:13] did she rip the shit out of him

[00:13:16] surely he got the cane back in those days

[00:13:19] I mean in the 70s

[00:13:22] I went back to the school because

[00:13:25] the ladies in admin were still there

[00:13:28] they were much older of course at that stage

[00:13:31] and I had a chat to them and I told them

[00:13:34] I was doing a degree etc

[00:13:37] they were nice ladies

[00:13:40] and they said to me

[00:13:43] we know a lot about the school and the school records

[00:13:46] and the school history and hundreds of kids

[00:13:49] of us through or maybe thousands

[00:13:52] we think you're the best of our knowledge

[00:13:55] you're the only one who's been to university

[00:13:58] oh my god that means I was the second

[00:14:01] but I mean two generations of legends

[00:14:04] heaven sakes

[00:14:07] rising above them all

[00:14:10] and then getting accepted to Harvard

[00:14:13] oh my god I couldn't believe it

[00:14:16] oh yeah no go on you're talking about someone else now

[00:14:19] your aspirations aren't that high at Napier Street High School

[00:14:22] well look I mean it's been cool

[00:14:25] talking down memory lane and all the rest

[00:14:28] I think I've got something else I want to say

[00:14:31] about men and about men's issues

[00:14:34] and I'm going to do that right now

[00:14:37] The Men in Him Podcast

[00:14:40] yeah so I was talking to a colleague at work

[00:14:43] just today and she

[00:14:46] I told her about the podcast dad and she said hey

[00:14:49] I've read this article recently about platonic touching

[00:14:52] and I'm like sorry excuse me do you know what my podcast is all about

[00:14:55] and she's always talking about men's issues right

[00:14:58] and I'm like yeah yeah she goes on it's about men

[00:15:01] and the importance of still being able to feel touch

[00:15:04] and to be feel I guess loved and also

[00:15:07] the opposite of that which is that men

[00:15:10] are often demonized because they are they're touchy

[00:15:13] and they're seen as this predator and it's like I can't touch

[00:15:16] so where's the line and can I cut off someone

[00:15:19] am I in trouble now how does that work right

[00:15:22] I thought the subject up and I thought what a good opportunity

[00:15:25] we're going to chat tonight I thought I'd ask you

[00:15:28] about it so what do you feel about platonic

[00:15:31] touch for males and the role it plays maybe

[00:15:34] for men I don't know

[00:15:36] It sounds like a whole lot of modern garbage

[00:15:39] I thought okay right

[00:15:42] because first of all

[00:15:45] you can touch yourself platonically

[00:15:48] no no are we talking about touch between male and female

[00:15:51] are we talking about touch between male and male

[00:15:54] men female whatever touch generally man like

[00:15:57] it's so important it's too wide a subject because

[00:16:00] naturally when you have small children

[00:16:03] like babies you want to cuddle them and hold them

[00:16:06] well some people comfort them and so forth

[00:16:09] well I consider that to be natural

[00:16:12] and most communities in the world

[00:16:15] regardless of race, culture, religion

[00:16:19] or if you would feel the same it's part of the nurturing

[00:16:22] obviously in the stereotypical environment

[00:16:25] man goes out to work hard

[00:16:28] and the woman spends more time around the home

[00:16:31] and the children and she touches them

[00:16:34] obviously more frequently because they need that contact

[00:16:37] the man's got his woman maybe he cuddles the kids

[00:16:40] goodnight then the woman gives the cuddle he maybe gets something maybe he doesn't

[00:16:43] so is that it for the touch

[00:16:46] this is why I think that this platonic touch

[00:16:49] it is by the way this article is a couple years old

[00:16:52] so I'm not talking about latest news here it was just interesting

[00:16:55] conversation yeah I know but I don't care I mean

[00:16:58] there's so much crap circulating in society

[00:17:01] it has to be dealt with I've found

[00:17:04] if we talk about touch between men

[00:17:07] well yeah both I guess because male and female feels like it's sexualized right

[00:17:10] so what is the touch between men do you have to be on a sporting field

[00:17:13] like what do you just hug your bro like

[00:17:16] no first of all in every culture

[00:17:19] there's a greeting format

[00:17:22] and the standard greeting format between men

[00:17:25] is you shake each other's hand

[00:17:28] well no you cut bro shake and then you touch shoulders or something I think now

[00:17:31] no if you're close if your family

[00:17:34] you know father and son will give each other a hug

[00:17:37] yeah the heart to heart sort of thing yeah

[00:17:40] touch normally comes in I can only speak

[00:17:43] for the antibody in a environment I can't speak for any other

[00:17:46] touch normally comes down to a playful little

[00:17:49] with your fist but it's gentle bang on the shoulder

[00:17:52] or with your hand slap on the back

[00:17:55] on the shoulder it's a contact

[00:17:58] it's something similar but not too violent

[00:18:01] no no

[00:18:04] there are some cultures in which it is

[00:18:07] more forceful than that

[00:18:10] right but men have this

[00:18:13] as I said in built inhibition

[00:18:16] to be physically close to each other

[00:18:19] unless it's in sport or some structured

[00:18:22] environment and that structured

[00:18:25] environment could even be in a religious service

[00:18:28] men have to be given permission to get

[00:18:31] I mean men who are not part of the same family

[00:18:34] have to be given permission to touch

[00:18:37] more closely yeah so

[00:18:40] so can I just throw my spin on this then

[00:18:43] and that is that there's a lot of lonely men out there

[00:18:46] they talk about these lone wolves and they talk about these

[00:18:49] and you know the feeling of being alone

[00:18:52] you know guys like to be mothered and all the rest of it

[00:18:55] and then got the girlfriends who do some of those things and make them feel special and all the rest of it

[00:18:58] and at the core of it often

[00:19:01] it is just about loneliness I think

[00:19:04] for a lot of men

[00:19:07] so for a lot of guys they need to be touched right they want to be cut all

[00:19:10] they want to feel special what have you

[00:19:13] and it's okay maybe you can't get that all the rest of women

[00:19:16] you get it with guys what have you you have kids

[00:19:19] kids feel really special it's a beautiful thing but when you've got none of that

[00:19:22] and you realize the primal need just to feel human contact

[00:19:25] and now there's this sort of like game

[00:19:28] I'm not allowed to do that, I'm not allowed to do that

[00:19:31] this mental sort of just judgmenting thing so

[00:19:34] that's my take on it is guys ultimately should ask for

[00:19:37] and hope for more touch in their lives

[00:19:40] to feel less I don't know more complete maybe

[00:19:43] disagree with all of that

[00:19:46] categorically oh no not again

[00:19:49] yeah no every human being needs contact

[00:19:52] well okay well I'm just talking from a guys perspective that's all

[00:19:55] yeah no I'm talking about from a guys perspective

[00:19:58] I happen to be one of them between male friends

[00:20:01] there's normally some playful pushing and shoving

[00:20:04] it's something which reflects what happens

[00:20:07] online in the sporting environment

[00:20:10] where there's a structure which you know says you've got to tackle

[00:20:13] for example in rugby or rugby league

[00:20:16] the other guy but in my experience

[00:20:19] in the antipathy and world men who really like each other

[00:20:22] tend to with restraint these days

[00:20:25] when they meet each other abuse each other

[00:20:28] and it's not common elsewhere

[00:20:31] and people from other parts of the globe

[00:20:34] who see antipathy in men

[00:20:37] in action saying you dirty rotten filthy

[00:20:40] so-and-so God I never want to speak to you again

[00:20:43] think it's a precursor to a violent argument

[00:20:46] it isn't it's just a form

[00:20:49] of saying I love you believe it or not

[00:20:52] and we can't say that because

[00:20:55] we say it we meant to say it

[00:20:58] to our female partner

[00:21:01] I can't say female anymore I just have to say partners

[00:21:04] no you have to say non-binary partners

[00:21:07] just so you don't attach them to any particular genre

[00:21:10] me my non-binary partner

[00:21:13] are you married? No I'm just with my

[00:21:17] I'm fine anyway

[00:21:20] we'll change subject

[00:21:23] that's not only a minefield

[00:21:26] we're going to blow up before we even started

[00:21:29] the meet in him podcast

[00:21:32] well that's enough about you

[00:21:35] let's talk about me shall we

[00:21:38] oh you egotist

[00:21:41] well you know it just got to be up front nowadays right

[00:21:45] no look I wanted to

[00:21:48] kind of go back to that same

[00:21:51] to be honest the same school like

[00:21:54] Napier Street primary and Fremonts Bay primary whatever it was called

[00:21:57] in the days that I was there but

[00:22:00] I've got a lot of really amazing memories

[00:22:03] of that area even though

[00:22:06] you know I got into a bunch of mischief

[00:22:09] I was lucky enough to have quite a big sort of range

[00:22:12] as a kid

[00:22:15] single mum busy working whatever

[00:22:18] I was able to roam and I had a BMX

[00:22:21] I could get all sorts of places right

[00:22:24] and down around the school area

[00:22:27] it was all fenced off and jumped the fence

[00:22:30] it would go for swims on nice warm days

[00:22:33] but some of the strongest memories I have

[00:22:36] as a younger boy

[00:22:39] I was getting off needing to expel some energy

[00:22:42] on my BMX and let's say that was my motive

[00:22:45] choice at the time and I would go

[00:22:48] just down to the school and start practicing wheelies

[00:22:51] and eventually you know we'd do all these different jumps

[00:22:54] and we got kids involved and I'd be jumping over

[00:22:57] like a bunch of people lying on the ground and all sorts of stuff

[00:23:00] so that was you know most of the kids my age

[00:23:03] childhoods I guess you know kind of their first love was their BMX

[00:23:06] maybe but I remember one point specifically

[00:23:09] I used to get down there on the weekends when the school

[00:23:12] or after the school and on the weekends when it was shut

[00:23:15] and I'd be doing all these tricks and practicing

[00:23:18] and I remember thinking at one point oh man I'm that good at this

[00:23:21] I hope a director drives by in a car

[00:23:24] and sees me and wants to cast me in his next movie

[00:23:27] because I'm that talented you know

[00:23:30] and I remember not just thinking it as once

[00:23:33] multiple times right over the course of probably a number of years

[00:23:36] and I took me

[00:23:39] I don't know maybe 20 years to look back on that child

[00:23:42] and go you just wanted someone to notice you

[00:23:45] and say you're doing great

[00:23:48] you know Jason for this thing

[00:23:51] Christ sake stop that you could hurt someone

[00:23:54] you know that was a mum that's what mum would say she didn't know thankfully

[00:23:57] but you know it's funny and then when I had kids

[00:24:00] all I wanted to do was praise them

[00:24:02] for how great they were because

[00:24:05] I knew how important that was to a child

[00:24:08] you know so anyway that's my memory of that school right

[00:24:11] in terms of there was some really nice moments

[00:24:14] and there was some really lonely moments down there as well

[00:24:17] and that's the journey of I guess a kid

[00:24:20] a boy a young man coming up

[00:24:23] without necessarily a stable home life

[00:24:26] but doing the best like most of us do right

[00:24:29] like I didn't have a bad

[00:24:32] compared to some people but certainly what happened

[00:24:35] affects me to this day right

[00:24:38] okay there are several things here

[00:24:41] and I'll try and address them correctly

[00:24:44] first young males in particular

[00:24:47] and here I'm not saying it doesn't apply to young females

[00:24:50] for heaven's sake this is a chat about

[00:24:53] males not females

[00:24:56] or whatever

[00:24:59] I don't care what planet they come from

[00:25:02] have a surfeit of energy which has to be discharged

[00:25:05] one way or another and so what you're talking about

[00:25:08] son is very typical of that

[00:25:11] now you brought this to my attention

[00:25:14] I don't know a few years ago and I felt so

[00:25:17] horribly guilty

[00:25:19] well I didn't say it to feel guilty to make you guilty

[00:25:22] no no no no you did not you were just

[00:25:25] recounting how you felt

[00:25:27] at a point in your life

[00:25:29] you're reconciling

[00:25:30] and I wasn't there and you felt the

[00:25:33] absence of a father figure

[00:25:35] which was correct because I wasn't there

[00:25:38] but didn't understand that for years to come

[00:25:41] and I felt like shit when I heard it I really did

[00:25:44] I guess when it all comes down to it

[00:25:47] what I'm saying is

[00:25:50] whilst I recognize that my yearning for attention

[00:25:53] because of my absent father

[00:25:55] it was actually a relief to realize that

[00:25:58] because I'm like oh man that explains why I feel

[00:26:01] all this anxiety you know I'm like oh man

[00:26:04] it sort of enables a little bit of closure right

[00:26:07] and so seeing that early are on

[00:26:10] I'm talking late 20s maybe early 30s

[00:26:13] the latest I was like at least I understood

[00:26:16] that part of my life I'm cool and I could start rebuilding

[00:26:19] the bits that were lost not wondering what was

[00:26:22] what was hampering me

[00:26:25] you know like driving with a handbrake on

[00:26:27] so you know it was not all bad I guess I'm saying

[00:26:30] dad but I know it has a different impact on you

[00:26:33] when I've brought it up in the past

[00:26:35] Yes and because I realize

[00:26:38] that's a very very natural way of

[00:26:41] wanting things to be

[00:26:43] and I felt even though you weren't dropping

[00:26:46] anything on me at all I felt a terrible sense of guilt

[00:26:49] in my absence even though I couldn't have been there

[00:26:52] mechanically because you know I lived in a different

[00:26:55] part of the town etc.

[00:26:58] There's this need for recognition and

[00:27:01] for every child there's a different

[00:27:04] nurturing component which comes from

[00:27:07] the mother and the father

[00:27:10] we all tend to focus on the nurturing

[00:27:13] of the mother and it's very very important

[00:27:16] I respect it so much

[00:27:19] but there is an element of

[00:27:22] contribution from the father although he may not

[00:27:25] be there all the time because he's working

[00:27:28] to help well stereotypically

[00:27:31] in the old days and I'm more of the old days

[00:27:34] than the new days than you are

[00:27:37] working to provide for the family every child

[00:27:40] and I think it's important to

[00:27:43] feel safe in the protection

[00:27:46] or the nurturing which comes from either side

[00:27:49] of the family you know the mother and the father

[00:27:52] structure. Yeah no and I agree with that

[00:27:55] and I appreciate the sort of you know you kind of

[00:27:58] laid down the bigger picture here but I guess

[00:28:01] one of the questions I've got to ask as a young

[00:28:04] male being brought up by a single mom who did

[00:28:07] not feel as safe you know because in my

[00:28:10] world I had to be the protector of my mom

[00:28:13] you know. That unfortunately

[00:28:16] was cast upon you by circumstances

[00:28:19] but I think it's natural I think it's a natural dynamic

[00:28:22] shift that happens in any group dynamic family

[00:28:25] dynamic other the oldest or the most mature

[00:28:28] whatever it might be sits into that role of whatever

[00:28:31] is missing in that dynamic and to be honest

[00:28:34] it affords you some new skills

[00:28:37] but it also leaves with you

[00:28:40] a feeling of a bit of imposter syndrome too

[00:28:43] you know like oh I'm not actually a man so

[00:28:46] I don't know if I can handle this you know

[00:28:49] but anyway. It's a forced learning curve

[00:28:52] and it's unjust in many ways

[00:28:55] but it's a circumstance of the

[00:28:58] schism between the father and the mother

[00:29:01] which was so bad and this

[00:29:04] happens far too often these days

[00:29:07] that they have to split in order not to harm

[00:29:10] each other and it's better

[00:29:13] for the children to have as

[00:29:16] the primary nurture of the mother than the father

[00:29:19] although there are exceptional circumstances to every situation.

[00:29:27] Alright so this is everyone's favourite segment

[00:29:30] my favourite segment and the world is just

[00:29:33] waiting with beta breath to hear the segment

[00:29:36] emails from dad

[00:29:39] emails from dad

[00:29:43] now without trying to sort of play it up too much

[00:29:46] I saw a recent email from you

[00:29:49] and I don't read all of them because you've seen a lot of them

[00:29:52] you're retired now so and if they're longer than

[00:29:55] like three sentences I'm like

[00:29:58] maybe flag it maybe not but anyways

[00:30:01] you had sent one recently you often send them quite late

[00:30:04] at night around your latest after

[00:30:07] your latest concert visits and you'd said that

[00:30:10] you were going to a Chris Isaac concert at the Pallet

[00:30:13] and I must admit

[00:30:16] you got my interest on that one because

[00:30:19] I used to listen to Chris Isaac back in the day

[00:30:22] Blue Hotel and all the rest of it and I actually

[00:30:25] had this ghetto blaster which had a CD player

[00:30:28] which you could align with your alarm clock to wake you up

[00:30:31] with the track you wanted to listen to

[00:30:34] this is before Spotify and all the fancy things on iPhones

[00:30:37] I am impressed with that

[00:30:40] it would play the first track on the CD

[00:30:43] it would automatically kick in at whatever 7 o'clock in the morning

[00:30:46] 8 o'clock in the morning and play this and the first

[00:30:49] tunes I hear would

[00:30:52] and I'd be like

[00:30:55] and I'd be open my eyes going

[00:30:58] the world was on fire

[00:31:01] ah man he was the coolest way to wake up

[00:31:04] so anyways how was the concert

[00:31:07] the concert was fabulous and what was outstanding

[00:31:10] was his bravery

[00:31:13] most artists save

[00:31:16] their huge hit to the end of the concert

[00:31:19] or the chorus part

[00:31:22] so that everything ends on a high

[00:31:25] he had the bravery to

[00:31:28] oh we could gain this right yeah

[00:31:31] one third of the way into the concert

[00:31:34] well before halfway

[00:31:37] which is what people really want to hear because he's just

[00:31:40] what a great song everybody leaves the big ones to the end

[00:31:43] and he delivered the big one so early on

[00:31:46] well everything else is a bonus now right

[00:31:49] no he shot himself on the foot

[00:31:52] oh no really

[00:31:55] that was what I thought when I

[00:31:58] I mean we loved it you thought that after that

[00:32:01] it was going to go downhill yeah exactly

[00:32:04] I mean it was brilliant

[00:32:07] I'm not taking anything away from Chris Isaac

[00:32:10] and yet without that huge hit

[00:32:13] he shot off very early

[00:32:16] the rest of the concert just built and built and built

[00:32:19] and I couldn't believe

[00:32:22] I just read here you said the next he did a rousing stomping version of Roy Orbison's

[00:32:25] pretty woman oh yeah I can imagine that

[00:32:28] oh yeah I mean he went from strength to strength

[00:32:31] not necessarily singing his own songs

[00:32:34] and it turned out to be a fabulous concert and it ended on a high

[00:32:37] and the high wasn't wicked game

[00:32:40] he did it's probably a 25% into the concert

[00:32:43] I said the third to be generous

[00:32:46] and I've been to hundreds

[00:32:49] and hundreds of rock concerts

[00:32:52] and to hear someone deliver

[00:32:55] their absolutely fantastic

[00:32:58] around the world hit

[00:33:01] you're a great singer too isn't he

[00:33:04] well before half time and yet keep your attention

[00:33:07] loving it right till the end was amazing

[00:33:10] that was a unique experience

[00:33:13] that's awesome well look I must admit

[00:33:16] I would have preferred to go to see him with you rather than the

[00:33:19] mushrooms 50th anniversary concert whatever it was

[00:33:22] but I did get to see DMAs and you know

[00:33:25] going to see one of your favourite artists

[00:33:28] in their live environment is so memorable

[00:33:31] and I'm glad you enjoyed it so

[00:33:34] I think you're the son

[00:33:37] you have forgotten going with me to see

[00:33:40] Slash and Miles Kennedy

[00:33:43] Slash was awesome actually

[00:33:46] and it was an awesome concert

[00:33:49] I didn't realise he was actually quite

[00:33:52] I thought he was a cool looking guy who played the guitar

[00:33:55] I didn't realise that he could play it like a virtuoso

[00:33:58] like Liberace plays the piano

[00:34:01] oh my god and he was as cool

[00:34:04] he was even cooler like his head should have blown off

[00:34:07] that was a good concert I've got to give you credit for that one

[00:34:10] the meet in him podcast

[00:34:13] alright so there we go episode 3

[00:34:16] in the bag what do you reckon dad

[00:34:19] so exciting how could we possibly

[00:34:22] do anything better well let's try episode 4

[00:34:25] let's see what we can do there I guess that's our next opportunity

[00:34:28] well I mean life has its ups and downs so let's give it a go

[00:34:31] I'm hoping you can make episode 4

[00:34:37] let's all give generously

[00:34:40] so that dad can make it to episode 4

[00:34:44] this is not a funding exercise

[00:34:47] it's meant to be a fun exercise

[00:34:50] I've been told to monetise here

[00:34:53] I guess we're early on

[00:34:56] alright we'll see what happens then

[00:34:59] bye for now